times like these
ffaacckkk. major senioritis right now. along with feelings of emotional distress and facccking relationship probs, anxiety, stress, and lack of sleep. from time to time, i feel so pressured when people,relatives,friends ask me what im going to be doing after college. its not that i don’t have a plan, i just don’t have a true answer for you. or myself yet because im still in the process of finalizing this shit out yaknow. i can tell you that i want to go to grad school. or that im going to work in seattle, or that im gona get married.. but those might change in the next 2-6months; and then you’d probably just think i fell through it coz i didn’t do it, but in reality, i wanted to do something else that makes me happy and did that instead. duh. anyway, to the fact that i don’t really see myself forever living in maui, the thought of living independently far away from home and away from family, is kind of disheartening. ya i studied abroad, ya i can manage living independently, ya i will survive, but that whole process i feel like is one i don’t have to face on my own, especially when i don’t know when i’ll have ‘break’ again and be able to take time off to go ‘home’. im trying to find myself. trying to get to know me first. and knowing my strengths and weaknesses before i make decisions; its harder than i thought. i thought i knew what i wanted, i thought i knew where i wanted to go, and what i wanted to be. and who i wanted to be with. but in all honesty, i don’t know… times like these when i just need positive thoughts and inspiration to bring me up and finish strong. damn, needing some guidance and pep talk. this is a good time to wish that i had a puppy/doggie :P
Quickie before 2012ends.
This was by far the most eventful and stressful and fulfilling and emotional year thus far. Traveled 5 countries this year. Who else can.say that, right? Got a management job at school. Finished my almost last semester before I graduate college. Ring by spring? Something like that ;) no marriage or babies.though. Bahaha. ..yet.
I just wanna give glory and praise to our Almighty for everything happens for a reason. And All I can ask for now is strength and happiness for my family. God bless everyone. Spread the love
because i is home and hella bored. because i need a hobby. because i have choke time on hand. because its hawaii <3. because my boyfriend is always busy with work and family. because i dress up to meet friends/old coworkers. because i am a girl with hopes and dreams. because i secretly think about the future 24/7 and things after grad. because maybe il move and who knows what and where il be. because i have fears and need God. because i colored my hair. because its X.mas break. because i no mo school for a month! because its meee! because people posts random shiz for no reason. haha!
long distance relationships. IT SUCKS! it either makes you or breaks you. and right now, its doing both. 4.1/2 years and i am still in love with my bestfriend more than i ever was when i first met him. yet, our fighting and arguing is nonstop. we are a couple who always fight. ALWAYS! but a couple who fights, only means they care for each other so much, right? blah. i haven’t seen him since i left hawaii. literally! we dont even skype or oovoo or anything anymore. partly bcoz we made a deal not to so it’ll just be so much better when we finally do see each other.. our time and communication is so limited, it fukcing hurts emotionally and im fcking crying my heart out most of the time bcoz i just feel incomplete! yeah, cheesy but true. school is overrated and i know work is important for him, but seriously it takes 5sec. to text. ugh anyway, i dont like writing stuff like this bcoz one minute, i love him to death, the next i just want to dent his car hammer the windows yell at his face and slap him 100000X -__- but really i wont. but i need to vent bcoz im stressed A.F! at school and work and everything n everyone around me. sometimes there’s things i just can’t forgive people for and right now, it’s furcking annoying me that he doesn’t see what he’s doing wrong. FRAWR!! UGH! i just want to sleep for a looooong while and wake up when the sun is out and im home in my own bed. 25days and counting. Lord please give me strength.